1.760228.1

Nationality: Singaporean Chinese

Age Group: Mid-40s

Gender: Female

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A Little About Me

I value stability. My emotions & decisions are always led by thorough logical mental analysis. Since young, I have cultivated the ability to always think & analyze before taking actions. I rationalize a lot & often calm about things. As such, with my good friends, I am often known as non-judgmental towards people & matters. I am very warm & a giver to my friends & family, always going out of my way to assist them. On the opposite end with acquaintances, I seldom, maybe not at all, connect emotionally. I am generally nonchalant around them which can be perceived as cold & intimidating. I always bear the prim & proper persona. Very often, I am seen as being difficult to approach or intimidating to people who does not know me. There’s a certain level of fear by others when they are with me, fear of being judged or having to live up to do the right things at the right time. The words “Passion”, “Spontaneous” & “Flexible” do not associate with me.

Life As Per How I Plan It

At 5 years old, I knew that I was going to be a teacher. An English one at that because I am good at it. I experienced how much power teachers have over their students – they determined if they can leave the school or not! I told myself, I want that type of power too. (a little warped at that age) And so I became an English & Literature Scholar at 21 & went on to teach.

My parents never got along. I cannot understand why husband & wife cannot initiate to speak normally. They are either yelling at each other or passing messages through me. I lost all confidence in relationships & marriage for I see no point in having it. This also made me resolute to always give people the benefit of a doubt, think & talk it out before blaming or yelling. While my parents behaved this way towards each other, they taught me otherwise & behaved otherwise with everyone else. Strange? Perhaps. But I told myself then, I will never get into any relationships or marriage. A form of self-protection, a very strong one. I was single right through to my 20s.

Some Things Changed

With my personality, it is unthinkable that I can handle changes in choices & plans in my life. But I did – twice at that.

A career as a Scholar maps out that I will spend a good amount of time teaching, as well as being with the Ministry of Education. The path is certainly set for success – Head of Department, School Principal & some key management role in the Ministry thereafter were to be expected. But I soon realised that teaching in Singapore included a lot of time spent on administrative work so much so that personal time was sacrificed to complete the paper markings & consultations with the students. I struggled a little at wondering if this is still what I would like to do. Then an opportunity came by – an offer from a Polytechnic to join their Joint Admission Department. I thought to myself – maybe a change is good. If I want to do administrative, let’s do it 100%. I am never a person to compete for an opportunity or pursue a dream against all odds. I let an opportunity come & I see if I want to take it. Safe & stable, remember? I save myself from any form of disappointments & anxiety of not achieving what I set out to do. That move took me to doing HR & moving forward Planning & Risks for the Polytechnic. Again, all part of internal transfer via career planning within the Polytechnic. I need not compete or to achieve beyond the goals to qualify for a position. And I am very happy with such an arrangement. Life should be smooth & easy-going as this.

I got married in my late 20s. What? You would retort. A close friend of mine introduced her then-colleague to me. Much efforts went into analysing the fit of his character to mine & how/where we met to ensure I am not at my defensive mode, she is a strategist & hardworking one at that. Credit to him too, he did everything right & is a very patient person. I warmed up & opened up my life to him. The rest is history. We have 2 boys now. Of course, things were not always beds of roses. Things got really difficult when his brother went missing for a while, leaving his business behind to my husband. The stress & load sent him into depression & at one point, I thought I lost him for good. I was pregnant with our second child then. So a depressive husband & a highly hormone infused pregnant body was the last combination anyone can handle. We struggled hard but thanks to our strong love to hold our family together, we decided to put aside our pride & ask ourselves what the root of the problem was & what we were willing to give up or compromise to keep our love & family together. I can say that was the lowest point of my life. At that time, I really was not sure if we were going to pull through. But we did. He put aside his pride to go against what was then an Asian societal expectation that men are to provide financially. Stay-at-home dads were still widely frowned upon. He quit his job knowing that he will need some time off working, be at the mercy of gossipers’ callous words & risk not finding work at all thereafter. To me, it showed how much love he has for our family to take on so much. On my part, I was willing to provide & support with my only salary. We live a frugal lifestyle so it is not a problem. I would rather have my husband back than to live with a soulless man or worst, losing him for good. Turns out, this was the best decision ever. He is working on a flexible hour arrangement now & could care for our sons & me more as I continue my work to maintain a stable income. My cosy family is now filled with love, warmth & laughter. There is nothing more I could ask for.

Dream, Not

I don’t dream big. I make small achievable goals that make myself happy & fulfilled. While I know that if I am put in any situation, I am competent enough to make things happen. However, I will rather go easier on myself. Small achievable goals are fulfilling & satisfying too. They happen without the need to stress over strategizing, pursuing & competing. Sometimes people may ask if I will feel that I am missing out on bigger things in life. My answer is no. Not if I am happy doing what I am doing & gain the fulfilment from what I do at the same time. And indeed I am. It is perfectly alright not to have big dreams.

My Words Of Encouragement

Always think & analyze before taking action. Try not to give in to your initial gut feel or judgement. Don’t live with regret.